Packing up the last of my clothes in the bedroom I turn around jumping when I see Kate standing in the doorway. I haven't seen her since the party last night which is shocking considering we did both come back home and it's now three in the afternoon. I'm really not sure how we managed to avoid each other that long.
"Are you sure about this Zac?" Kate asks her voice coming across cold and unloving. If she is trying to get me to stay she sure doesn't sound like she really means it. Maybe me telling her about Bethany was the final nail in the coffin for us. Maybe she has finally come to realize that we aren't right anymore, especially after all the hurt we have done to each other this past year.
I nod my head trying to avoid her gaze, "I'm sure Katie," I nod again picking up the bag. "The rest of my bags are in my truck already and I signed the lease for my old apartment the day before Halloween so I will at least have a place to go."
Kate just nods, moving out of my way so I can leave the room. "We'll have to decide custody of Shepherd, Junia, and Abraham."
I want to laugh when she mentions Abraham in custody arrangements. The child isn't mine so there is no reason for me to even see him. "Abe isn't mine Kate. If you want a custody schedule for him call Taylor up," I tell her before walking past her. Going down the stairs I open the front door and begin the final walk to my truck.
Putting the bag in the back with the rest of my stuff I then get in and look at Kate who is standing in the porch. Starting the truck up I drive off not even giving Kate one final glance. She isn't worth it in my opinion. She may be the mother of two of my children but I just can not make myself feel anything for her anymore.
Instead of driving to my old apartment I drive to a familiar neighborhood. The one that Taylor and Natalie live in. When I reach their house I pull my truck into the drive way and walk to the porch. Before I can even knock I hear yelling from inside. Very loud yelling. I can barely make out the voices but I know they belong to my brother and his wife.
Taking a deep breath I raise my hand to knock hoping that someone can hear me over their yelling.
Before I can even put my hand down the door is opened by my redheaded nephew who has tears in his eyes, "Uncle Zac," he stammers out his voice so low that I can barely make out what he is saying. "Mommy and daddy have been arguing all day. Daddy made mommy mad and now they just won't stop."
I frown when he tells me about Taylor and Natalie arguing. "Can I come in?" I ask him hoping he says yes. The kids are probably all like Ezra and they need someone here who can stop this arguing before it escalates. I know how Taylor can be when he is mad and I don't want him hurting Natalie.
Ezra nods moving aside so I can come in.
Going in I head towards where the voices are coming from. Upstairs in their bedroom. When I reach their bedroom I find the door cracked so I push it open the rest of the way watching as Natalie throws a vase at Taylor's head.
Taylor narrowly dodges it then he walks over to her, grabbing her by the arms with force, "You stupid bitch," he slurs into her face. "Are you trying to kill me?"
"No, trust me if I was going to kill you I wouldn't do it by throwing a vase at your precious head Taylor," Natalie snaps her voice wavering as she does so. It's apparent she has been crying. "Get out of my house."
Taylor shakes his head, "This is my house too and I'm not going anywhere," he tells her before throwing her down on the bed roughly. It's after he does that, that he looks up at me our eyes locking. He may be drunk but he too has been crying.
"What are you doing here Zachary?" he asks me his tone cold. "Haven't you caused enough damage?" he asks as he walks over to me. "Making me have to tell my wife about Abraham being mine. Did you know she wants to divorce me now? She wants to divorce me just when we were trying for another baby to save our marriage," he mutters through gritted teeth.
Looking away from his gaze I close my eyes, "She needed to know Taylor," I sigh trying to keep my voice calm. "I never meant for it to ruin your marriage though," I whisper out not even sure if that is the truth or not anymore.
"Of course you did Zac," Taylor yells as he steps closer to me. "You've been ruining my life since I realized I loved you and it got worse after we fucked. Hell your probably the reason Bethany turned me down last for a quickie."
I open my eyes, "I had nothing to do with Bethany turning you down," I mutter shaking my head. "Now how about you do what Natalie said," I sigh before locking eyes with him again. "I'll take you to a hotel so you can calm down for the night. So you and Natalie both can calm down."
I don't expect Taylor to agree to this so I'm shocked when he nods his head yes. Smiling some I turn around heading downstairs, hearing Taylor follow behind me. When we make it outside to my truck I help him in then get inside myself, driving off towards downtown.
"Why do you love her?" Taylor speaks up after are long gone from his neighborhood. "Why do you love her and not me?"
Raising my eyebrow I am utterly confused as to what he means, "Who?" I ask not sure if he will even answer me right in his condition.
Taylor sighs but I see him looking at me from the corner of my eye. "Natalie," he whispers and I feel my heart stop beating in my chest. He knows about Natalie and I? How does he know? Who has told him? Fucking hell this isn't what I expected him to say once we were in my truck and on the way to get him a hotel.
"I...I don't love Natalie," I lie straight through my teeth as I shake my head. "Hell I've never even thought of Natalie sexually not even after our threesome with her."
Taylor laughs at my words making me blush. "I know it was you Zac," he sighs. "I figured it out last night after you both went missing around the same time. It all started to make sense. The person who smelled like Isaac, how you knew about my affair with Kate and the baby maybe not being yours, you letting her sleep in your bed that one night when she was drunk. It all finally made sense to me Zac. You're the one who has been fucking my wife and you love her."
"What makes you think I love her?" I ask him not even denying the rest of what he has said. I don't see the use in denying since it seems he has came to a logical conclusion for once.
"The way you look at her now," Taylor whispers before going quite for the rest of the ride to the hotel.
When I get to the hotel I park my car, turning to face Taylor, "I never meant to sleep with her Taylor."
Taylor shakes his head, "Don't Zac," he tells me sternly like he is scolding me. "After all the lies I have kept from you do you think I am going to be mad at you for keeping one from me?" he asks as he runs a hand through his hair. "It hurts yeah but I get it, I get why you kept it from me and of course you meant to sleep with her Zac. It's not like Natalie just fell on your dick," he laughs before shrugging his shoulders, "or maybe she did but either way you didn't remove her."
I can't help but laugh at that comment, "No she didn't fall there," I confirm before chewing my lip.
"I love you Zac, more than her," Taylor states and I nod remembering him telling me that the day Abe was born. "My whole life feels like it's slipping out of my control, that I'm gonna lose the man I love to my wife, the woman who I love..but I don't know if I love her enough to care anymore if I lose her."
"Then why want a baby to save the marriage?" I ask curiously as I watch a few tears go down his cheeks now.
Taylor reaches up and wipes his tears away, "Stupidity," he says so simply. "Hoping that another baby would make me care but I know it won't. I only care about losing you Zac," he frowns as he reaches over to rest his hand on my cheek. "Am I going to lose you to her?"
Closing my eyes at his touch I feel my heartbreak knowing I have to tell him. I have to be honest with him, it's only fair if I am honest with him.
"I want her Taylor," I confess to him. "I plan on being with her somehow, making her love me."
When I open my eyes again I see Taylor nodding those his hand is still on my cheek, "I..I need a break from the band Zac. I'm not sure if I can go back on the road right now and be in such close quarters with you knowing that you want my wife over me," he frowns. "You and Isaac can call off the rest of the tour," he says as he moves his hand off my cheek. "I think I am going to leave Tulsa for awhile too and try to get my shit together," he whispers as he gets out of my truck.
I jump as he slams the door behind him. I should go after him, protest and make him decide not to do this but I don't. Instead I drive off, driving back to the house where his wife and children are.
Getting to the house I park my truck in the drive way again and get out. This time when I reach the door I find a note taped there. Taking it down I read it and feel tears sting my eyes.
Dear Zac, Thank you for getting Taylor out of the house. Thank you for giving me time to leave with the kids. After today and him throwing me on the bed..I just I can't stay with him. It's all becoming too much. His lies, drinking and his anger not to mention my own lies. This thing with us it's just becoming too much too. I love you but who am I kidding this will never be right. Taylor may have hurt us both but we will hurt him a whole lot more, especially you. I can't let you do that. Please don't try to look for me. I'm not sure I won't you to find me Zac. Natalie
Crumpling the paper up I just collapse on the stairs not even sure if I know how to breathe. How is it I have lost everyone? I have fucking no one right now. Swallowing a lump in my throat I stay on the porch not wanting to leave just in case Natalie comes back though I know she won't. She isn't coming back.
"Fuck," I whisper before closing my eyes. It's kind of funny because now I feel like Taylor. Like everything is slipping out of control and there is nothing I can do to fix it, nothing what so ever.