I chew my lip as I sit on the bed in the hotel room. It's been a week since Natalie came back and it's also been a week since I chose to be with Bethany after she miscarried our baby. A whole week and I have been doing what I am good at when I don't want to talk to someone, avoid them.
The person I don't want to talk to is Natalie, having to tell her that I can't be with her, that I chose Bethany is going to hurt her just like the pregnancy news hurt her but I know it had to be done, especially since Bethany gave me an ultimatium which was why I was sitting here in this hotel room tonight, the same hotel and room where it all started for Natalie and I is going to be where it ends too.
Hearing a knock on the door I stand from the bed, checking the peep-hole though I am not sure why I am, I know it's Natalie. Who else would it be? Opening the door I move aside as she walks in so effortlessly. She looks tired but then again I guess taking care of five kids would make her tired.
"You wanted to talk," Natalie speaks and I shut the door, turning just in time to see her sitting on the bed. A bed that we have made love on.
I nod as I walk over and join her on the bed, "I do want to talk," I fake a smile not able to meet her gaze. "I..I...I just am not sure where to start," I squeak out feeling a lump form in my throat. This is hard but it's what I have to do.
"How about you start with the fact that you are dating Bethany," Natalie says which makes me raise my eyebrow to give her a confused look. How does she know this when I only told my family this past week? "Taylor told me," she says as if reading my mind. "He said he figured I should know so that I don't get my hopes up of you coming to Georgia with me when I leave next week."
"You're going to Georgia?" I ask her feeling confused. "How long?"
This time it's Natalie who looks away from me, "Forever maybe," she shrugs before looking back at me her eyes looking watery and like she could cry at any minute. "I signed up to go to college. Mom is moving back and she said she'd help me with the kids. I was going to ask you to come back with me," she tells me though I can see from her expression there is more but she isn't saying it. "I was hoping we could have a chance to be a family, you and me and my children when they weren't with Taylor and then your kids when they weren't with Kate," she laughs sadly before a few tears finally go down her cheek, "Maybe have a baby or two of our own."
It's only when she finishes I feel the lump in my throat grow just a bit bigger, "You would have had my babies?" I ask her before seeing a weird emotion flash in her eyes, it's one I haven't seen from her before and for some reason it sends a shiver down my spine.
"I would have your babies," Natalie nods finally a small smile playing on her lips. "I would have done anything for you Zachary. I loved you, I still love you," she tells me finally voicing out loud to me that she loves me. It's the first time I have heard her say it and god how much I wish it wasn't under these circumstances.
Moving a hand up I wipe away her tears. "When did you know you loved me?" I ask her wanting to know how long she has realized she loved me. How long she kept to herself.
Natalie moves my hand away from her cheek taking a hold of it with her own hands, "I knew it when were in California but then I was too stupid to admit it was love. I was able to admit it was love the night I went to sleep in your bed drunk but once I realized it I was just too scared to give up the life I was comfortable with. I was too scared to leave a man I no longer was in love with. I was scared to try something new but when we made on Halloween everything changed in more ways than one. I came so close to telling you I loved you and then the next day I found out about Abe. Then I left as you know...and when I come back I wanted to tell you but Bethany showed up and I couldn't."
"Goddamn it Nat, I wish you would have told me sooner," I whisper knowing that if I had known whens he realized it then maybe I wouldn't have even kept up contact with Bethany, maybe I would be with her now and we could be having one of those babies she wanted from me.
Natalie laughs again sadly before squeezing my hand, "Would it have made a difference in how things are?"
I shrug at he question, "Maybe," I tell her knowing that is all I can give her. "Maybe I would have stopped hanging around Bethany before I caught feelings for her."
"No use wondering about the what if's and maybe's," Natalie tells me before shaking her head. "It's all about the here and now and what is. What is, is you are with Bethany, you chose her and I'm going to respect that."
I smile when she says she is going to respect me being with Bethany, mainly because she sure didn't ever seem to respect me being with Kate when our affair started. "Why are you going to do that?"
"Because it's what you want," Natalie nods as if I should know that. "You want me to respect that or you wouldn't have called me here to tell me things are done."
Taking her words into consideration I chew my lip again before leaning closer, "I want it even if I do this?" I ask her before capturing her lips with mine in a kiss. We haven't kissed since Halloween and my body sure seems to be reacting to her lips on mine again because I can feel the arousal building up inside of me.
Natalie doesn't respond to my words though, instead it's my kiss she responds too, her hand letting go of mine as her arms finding their way to my neck and she pulls herself into my lap. "We've got tonight," she whispers into my mouth before grinding into me causing me to moan. "Tomorrow we'll go back to reality."
"Who needs tomorrow?" I ask into her mouth before falling back onto the bed, bringing her with me. I don't even want to think of tomorrow right now. I just want to focus on now and the fact that this is my last time with her, my last time holding her in my arms.
I feel Natalie smirk on my lips before kissing me harder, her hand running up under the black t-shirt I have on. Her hand is cool against my warm skin which makes me shiver.
"I love you," Natalie whispers to me after she breaks the kiss long enough to take my shirt off, throwing it to the floor.
I smirk as I pull her into another kiss, "I love you too," I whisper into her mouth my hands removing the coat she had on.
Kissing her harder I moan out again as her hips move down into mine again, her hands trailing their way down my chest coming to a stop when she reaches my jeans which she undoes in a hurry.
"Eager much?" I ask her playfully after her lips move down to my neck where she is kissing and sucking on the skin as if it's a porcelain and will break at any moment.
Natalie bites down on my skin briefly, "I am always eager for you." she mutters her breath hitting my skin which causes me to shiver. "Are you eager for me?" she asks seductively before undoing my jeans her hands slipping into the slit where the zipper was, though they don't stop there, no her hand finds it's way inside my underwear and I am muttering curse words as she pumps me slowly, making my cock harder than it already was.
"Fucking tease," I hiss out as her hand keeps moving slowly. It's too slow for my taste.
Natalie moves away from my neck soon looking down at me with a mischevious glint in her eyes. It's not long after the glint that she has removed my pants finally and also my underwear, freeing my hard cock of the confines and restrictions the clothes had put on it. She doesn't say anything though, instead her mouth connects with my chest and she kisses a trail down it stopping only when she reaches my hip bones which she bites much like she did our first night together.
"Shit Nat," I groan as I feel her warm mouth take me inside of it. This blow job is much different then the first or any other she has given me since then. She is going slower, paying extra attention to places where she knows I like her to pay attention too. Natalie is showing just how much she knows my body. How much ten months with me sexually has taught her. It's taught her a hell of a lot more than Kate learned in seven years.
Moving my hands down to her hair I bury a hand in her hair, pulling it slightly as my hip lifts up and I push myself farther in her mouth. I smirk when she stops her movements with her mouth and I find myself continuing to thrust. I like that she is letting me fuck her mouth. "Such a dirty girl." I mutter before pulling her hair again. I am sure I hear a faint moan come out of her and my suspicions are confirmed when I feel the vibrations of it on my dick.
When Natalie does start to move her mouth again I close my eyes tight. This time her movements are faster than before. "Fuck you keep that up and I am going to cum," I whisper out knowing if she keeps at this rate I am going to release before I am even inside of her.
Natalie just moves her mouth off of me, "Isn't that the point?" she asks before giggling and making her way back up to me, her lips landing on mine as she kisses me again. Her hand though goes back around my dick which she keeps pumping.
Kissing her for a bit I eventually pull away, "I want to be inside of you," I tell her before finding the hem of her shirt and lifting it over her head, letting it find it's way to the floor.
The moment I take in her bare chest I know I like the fact that she is bra less. "Have I ever said I like your tits?" I ask her before sitting up enough to where I can wrap my mouth around one of her nipples. I suck on it slowly, deliberately slow. I want to pay her back for her teasing earlier.
Natalie shakes her head as I continue sucking on her breast, "N..no I don't think you have ever said that before," she manages to get out before I bit down on her breast. I am gentle with my biting which is why when she flinches it surprises me.
Pulling my mouth away I look up at her confused, "Are you okay?"
"My breasts are just sensitive right now," Natalie whispers as she shakes her head. "You didn't hurt me." she smirks before kissing me again. "Anyway I like pain when it's from you," she mutters into my mouth before grabbing my hands and putting them on her jeans.
I kiss her back again undoing her jeans and quickly removing them from her along with her panties. "You sure I didn't hurt you?" I ask into her mouth a groan escaping me when I feel the heat of her over my hard cock. I want her no correction I fucking need her. I need to be connected with her in ways I haven't been in almost a month.
"I'm positive. My breasts are just sensitive baby," she reassures me before rubbing her pussy against the length of my cock. It's a movement that makes me close my eyes and grip onto her hips tight.
Holding her steady I break away from the kiss. laying back on the bed. "Ride me," I mutter through gritted teeth. "Ride me so fucking hard."
"Is that what you want?" Natalie asks her voice teasing me as she moves herself down on my cock which causes me to grip her hips harder. "You want me to ride you?" she asks again before starting to move on me, though she isn't being hard or fast. She is being slow.
"It is what I want," I groan out right before she leans down to kiss me again. It's then that I realize we don't have a condom and I'm not sure if she is back on the pill since there is no use for her and Taylor to keep trying for a baby. "Condom?" I ask into her mouth as she picks up her pace some.
"You're already inside of me baby," Natalie whimpers as she bites down on my bottom lip. "Anyway we don't need them," she mutters as if that is a final statement, a statement which I don't even question. I just figure she knows she isn't ovulating right now anyway.
Kissing her harder I let my tongue find it's way into her mouth soon tangling with hers as they fight for dominance over each other.
When she starts to move even faster on my cock I close my eyes again not able to stop the scream that comes out as I break away from the kiss. I am really hoping there is no one in the room beside us because I am pretty sure that would give away what we are doing though maybe the banging headboard gave us away long before that.
"Natalie," I whimper knowing I am getting close and I can tell from the look on her face when her head drops back that she too is getting close.
Moving my hips with hers now I bit my lip as I feel myself release inside of her at the same time she closes around me. It's the second time we have came at the same time, the first being when we fucked on Halloween.
Natalie smiles as she falls on top of me, her breathing hard and labored, "Fuck that was good," she muttered as her lips gently kissed my chest.
All I can do is nod in agreement. It was good..better than good and a part of me feels sad that it's the last time I can be inside of her like that. That this is the last time we fucked.
"I love you Nat," I whisper once I feel I can speak again. "I love you so goddamn much."
Natalie moves off me, standing from the bed long enough to slip into my boxers and t-shirt which I can't lie probably look better on her than they would anyone else. "I love you too," she whispers before snuggling into me, pecking my lips. "I hope you don't mind sleeping naked."
I laugh before pulling her closer, "I don't mind sleeping naked," I whisper as I inhale her scent. She smells like strawberries. me, and sex.
She doesn't say anything else after that, instead it isn't long before her breathing gets slower and I can hear her start to snore. A smile plays on my lips as I just watch her knowing I want to savor being wrapped up in bed with her for as long as I can. Tomorrow I go to Bethany, the woman I chose. I end my relationship with Natalie for good and she leaves for Georgia next week. Who knows when I will see her again.
I'm not sure how long it is before I go to sleep but I am vaguely aware of being woken up a few hours later by Natalie. Her hand pumping me again. She whispers that she wants to make love again and who the hell am I to say no to her when she wants me. When her voice gives away just how much need for me she still has in her even after our earlier romp. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Waking the next morning I am not surprised to find Natalie gone. A part of me figured she would leave before I woke up but I am surprised to see a note where she was laying. Picking it up I read it over a frown soon forming.
Zac By the time you read this I will probably be on a plane back to Georgia. I know I said I wasn't leaving until next week but I lied, I wanted to make things easier for you if you thought I would still be here for another few days...if you didn't know how final last night was. I'm sorry I lied..I'm sorry things came to this for us. I can't lie I guess I always hoped you'd pick me. That you loved me enough but maybe love just isn't enough sometimes. I hope Bethany gives you all the love you deserve and more. I hope she makes you happy. Natalie. P.s. I left you money for breakfast ;).
As I reach the end of the note I can't help but laugh finding the money on the night stand beside her side of the bed. There she goes again leaving me money after sex, though this time I feel less like a prostitute. This time I know she loves me.
Getting out of bed I trash the note on my way to shower and get ready for the day ahead of me. I don't plan to go home or to Bethany anytime soon. Instead I am going to the studio. I just need time to think and maybe write. I need time to process this.
After I am showered and dressed again, I leave the room quickly not wanting to stay in there with the memories from last night. Instead I pocket the money and head to my truck, getting in and making the drive to the studio. I don't even stop to get the breakfast not feeling much like eating.
Parking my truck when I make it to the studio I get out, coming to a stop on the sidewalk when I see Taylor standing at the door. He looks pissed.
"Who peed in your cheerios?" I ask him when I walk closer, raising an eyebrow when he glares at me.
"You really let Natalie leave town?" Taylor asks shocked. "You let her leave Tulsa. I thought you'd make her stay once she told you."
Looking at him I sigh, "She told me she was leaving Taylor, what else could I do to stop her?" I ask feeling clueless as to how he thinks I could have stopped her from leaving Tulsa. "I can't make Natalie stay somewhere especially not when she knows I am going to be with Bethany."
"You mean all she told you was that she was leaving Tulsa?" Taylor asks me his eyebrow cocking up now too.
I nod as I cross my arms curiously. "Was she supposed to tell me more?"
"Fucking hell," Taylor grumbles as he looks down. "That woman promised me she would tell you last night. Promised she'd tell you before she left."
"Tell me what?" I ask my voice turning serious. "What did Natalie promise to tell me?"
Taylor laughs bitterly as he looks away from me, "She's pregnant Zac," he blurts out.
The moment I hear those words I just look at him, "Congrats," I nod remembering that they had been trying to have a baby around Halloween. It seems their trying had paid off even if they weren't together anymore and her breast situation as well as saying we didn't need a condom last night made sense.
"Why are you congratulating me?" Taylor asks which almost makes me want to laugh. "We may have been trying for a baby before we split but that doesn't mean it's mine." he continues as he locks eyes with me. "She had been off the pill for a month. When we came home for break we never had time for sex. She was always busy with the kids or I was busy with Bethany and then you know I told her about Abe and you know what happened after that. She got pregnant on Halloween."
Hearing the last of his words I am sure I have paled some since I feel faint, "But I used a condom," I speak as I shake my head. I know there was a possibility the condom could have broke or she hadn't put it on right but damn it to hell this has never happened to me before with condoms. "Fuck," I mutter before shaking my head again. "S..she's having my baby," I whisper before seeing black.